C is for CBT

 

Hello and welcome back, sorry it as been longer than expected as I have been down with the flu :  (

 

This week I wanted to talk about CBT, which stands for cognitive behavioural therapy

Description taken from https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt/

I started my CBT around 6 months after I ended my relationship (the one discussed in the last post) I first of all went to my GP to explain how I was feeling and she then referred me to therapy  Which I will go through in it more detail now.

When I was referred, I assumed it would be similar to going to your GP, I thought I would be sat in a cold, clinical office, whilst someone’s just talked at me, however it was the complete opposite, it was a warm, comforting office. It was close to the hospital and still a NHS building but it looks more homey, which immediately put me at ease, and I realise that some people may have had a different experience which may have been more clinical, but I wanted to discuss the specifics of my experiences on this occasion, but also provide some insight into CBT.

I will go through some of the discussions and tools/exercises we did in therapy, but I’m not going to discuss all of it in detail, as I don’t have all of my information in front of me today, so I will revisit this at some point in the a-z., but I will go over the basics of the therapy and also share with you some of the tools I was given.

Discussions

We started off therapy by talking about what I was feeling, and why I was feeling that why, she asked about my past and things I had been through, and this is here we discovered the root cause for my behaviour, which was of course the relationship that had just ended. For example we looked at the worries I was having, and the triggers that set me off, we also looked into what I was doing when I felt anxious, what behaviours I was showing. After a couple of weeks of discussions she diagnosed me with severe panic and anxiety disorder, and that to me as a comfort, and I know this may sound strange, but to me it was validating that what I was going though wasn’t normal, and it wasn’t something I could just get over.

Exercises

I did a few different exercises when I was in therapy, these were to help me understand that my symptoms can sometimes be normal, but also help me understand what triggers me, and by triggers me I mean things that happen on a day to day basis that start the cycle of my panic attacks.

The first couples of exercises we did were around focus, and learning that if I focus on the negative things that’s all I will dwell on. One of the exercises we did was with my hands, she asked me to hold out my hands in air and really focus on them, and only them. She then asked me to describe what I was feeling. At the time I felt numb, I felt pins and needles in the hands, but I also felt as if they were heavy, as if a large weight as on top of them. She then asked me to think, whether that’s how they actually felt, or whether it was my mind telling me how they feel. After a long discussion, I came to terms that it was my mind, putting these negative images into my head, my hands weren’t heavy at all and they weren’t numb, which put into perspective that some of the other feelings/symptoms I was having were caused by my mind

Another exercise I did looked at my feelings of craziness and paranoia (which I will discuss another time). For this, she asked em to stand still and then spin on the spot unti I couldn’t anymore. Then, as before, she asked me to explain how I feel, and I felt dizzy, I felt my senses were heightened and I could start to feel paranoid and worries that I looked crazy, all the same emotions I felt after a panic attack. This exercise helped me realise that those emotions, again were all in my mind, and that I worry so much about how other perceive me, even in a controlled environment, and this is what I needed to work on.

Now these both related to my triggers, because it helping me understand the process of what happens after I am triggered, and also helping me understand that if I can explain these feelings and symptoms I can stop them before m behaviours and worries start.

Tools

The main tool we used was the graph below, this helped me understand my thoughts and worries, my triggers an my behaviour and we talked about how I can stop my anxiety cycle before I got to my behaviour, as per below:

So as you can see from the above, this is the cycle of my panic attacks, high i’ve Gone into more details below:

 

 

I discussed each of these in details, I talked about my worries, how I think I am perceived by others, how I feel in the moment, and my constant need to escape. I will talk about these more in detail at another time, but I wanted to include this today to show the cycle, and ho if you let it, these circles of panic will keep going Lund and round.

Another technique we used was a comparison list, so I would compare my symtoms of my anxiety, e.g. high heart rate, short of breath, fidgeting, worrying about negative outcomes, with other situations such as a holiday, where I would also feel a high heart rates fidgeting and shortness of breath, but this was through excitement not anxiety.

I’ve attached below some of the other tools I have used, please feel free to copy and use them 

Recovery

At the end of the 12 weeks, I felt more in control of my behaviour and although I will have to live with this, probably for the rest of my life I now know more ways to cope. I put myself a pack together, of all the tools my councillor gave me and all the diaries and notes I made, and I would suggesting the same as it is always handy to go back to.

Thank  you for reading, If you want anymore details just let me know, I didn’t want to go into all the small details as I would be here for a while and I may do another blog series on this so that I can go back and look at my notes and talk about things in more details and with more accuracy.

 

Come back next time when I discuss D is for …..